The Wrestle Worth Having: What It Really Takes to Make Values Matter

Many organizations have values statements prominently displayed on walls and websites. Yet when you ask employees what those values actually mean in practice, especially under pressure, you often get uncomfortable silence or cynical eye rolls. 

The gap between stated values and lived reality isn't new. But in our recent conversation on the Leading Transformational Change podcast, exploring Practice 4 from my book You Can Culture, my colleague Andreas Almlöf and I dug into why this gap persists and what it actually takes to close it. 

The uncomfortable truth?  

Values that aren't allowed to cost us something aren't worth anything at all. 

It's precisely at the point where values become costly that they also become valuable. When a decision feels easy and comfortable, you're probably not wrestling with competing values. But when you face a choice that could cost you an opportunity, a relationship, or short-term results—that's when your real values show up. 

The discomfort is the point 

This creates natural discomfort for leaders. Who wants to make decisions harder? Who wants to acknowledge trade-offs when we'd prefer to believe we can have it all? 

But decisions aren't always meant to be easy. The reality is that our decisions as leaders have real impact—on human dignity, on organizational health, on the lives of our teams, on the vital trust in our business. Sometimes acknowledging that complexity is exactly what's needed. 

Consider the Boeing 737 MAX tragedy, where cost and speed became the defining values.  Somewhere along the way, needed difficult conversations about trade-offs weren’t taking place or were dismissed. The dilemmas were hidden rather than addressed. 

In high-stakes industries like defense, healthcare, finance, or technology—leaders constantly navigate competing priorities: speed versus thoroughness, cost control versus quality, growth versus sustainability. The question isn't whether you'll face these tensions. It's whether you'll be honest about them. 

Seven principles for values that actually matter 

For values to be more than nice words on a wall, they must: 

1. Clarify what's most important, not just what seems most urgent 

2. Identify principles you're unwilling to sacrifice, even when costly 

3. Remain true to who you are as an organization 

4. Align with your mission and strategy 

5. Be lived with integrity by leadership 

6. Guide what behaviors to encourage or not tolerate 

7. Encourage hard conversations about trade-offs and dilemmas 

That last point deserves emphasis. When leaders hide dilemmas or pretend difficult trade-offs don't exist, they set their organizations up for the kind of failures we've seen play out publicly again and again. 

The wrestle never ends 

The reality is that we're never done wrestling with our values. I've made promises to myself about priorities I wouldn't compromise, only to find myself later overlooking warning signs because it was expedient, because it was comfortable. 

This pattern shows up in organizational life constantly. I've spoken with countless leaders who, years after leaving an organization, ask themselves: "How in the world was I part of that? How did I accept those behaviors?" The pull of organizational culture is that strong. 

So what do we do? Not take for granted that we're "values-driven people" with strong inner compasses. Instead, engage intentionally with the wrestle: 

Create space for reflection. Take time regularly to ask yourself: How am I living out the stated values? Where am I struggling? 

Do this together as a team. Make it safe for people to say, "I feel like something is off here. We say this, but I'm not seeing it in this decision." 

Use values as a lens for decisions. If trust is a core value, ask: "Will this decision build trust or undermine it?" You won't have perfect answers, but asking the question leads to better decisions. 

The cost of integrity 

You never know when a dilemma might show up. You might feel pressure to act in a way that doesn't sit right. There might be an opportunity where you need to speak up or raise a concern. 

My encouragement:  Dare to sacrifice something for your values. Keep engaging in the wrestle. You'll fail sometimes—I fail all the time. But keep trying to make decisions aligned with values you don't want to compromise. And learn from the times when you fail. 

Because values that aren't allowed to cost us something aren't worth anything at all. And values that do cost us something? Those are the ones that actually matter. 

Listen to my full conversation below to explore these insights in greater depth. 

💡To learn more about the practice of Making Values Matter, or to inspire your team, order You Can Culture here.